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    How to pill a cat!

    This is a discussion on How to pill a cat! within the General chat forums, part of the Community channel category; Thought this was appropriate after all the cat poo posts! 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook ...

    1. #1
      Ned Ludd's Avatar
      Ned Ludd is offline Sky User Member
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      How to pill a cat!

      Thought this was appropriate after all the cat poo posts!

      1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop the pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

      2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
      Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

      3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

      4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

      5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

      6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

      7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

      8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
      Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

      9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

      10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.
      Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

      11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss backanother shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetchnew one from bedroom.

      12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

      13. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouthfollowed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of waterdown throat to wash pill down..

      14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
      remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

      15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

      How To Give A Dog A Pill.....

      1. Wrap it in bacon.

      2. Toss it in the air.
      Geoff, York.
      Can't call me a Luddite now!

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    3. #2
      Old_nick's Avatar
      Old_nick is offline Sky User Member
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      Re: How to pill a cat!

      LOL, been there, done that !

      About six months ago our elderly tabby was diagnosed with an over-active thyroid, and she had to take a tablet twice a day. We thought that giving her these pills would be a struggle, but my wife wraps the tablet in a piece of cheddar cheese, and the cat gulps it down. Now she reminds us when her tablet is due !

    4. #3
      dms05's Avatar
      dms05 is offline Sky User Beta tester
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      Re: How to pill a cat!

      An infallible way to tell a cat has actually taken a pill - watch it lick it's nose as it swallows. Never fails.



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