Folkestone in Kent Earthquake Appeal

An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the richter scale hit Folkestone
Wednesday morning. The epicentre was Folkestone. Casualties were seen
wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order", "mental", and "that
did my head in". The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess
of 17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos
from Ibiza and Majorca were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved
areas of historic burned out cars were destroyed. Many locals were
woken before their Giro's arrived.

One resident, Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said
"It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into my
bedroom crying, and my hands were shaking so much that I could hardly
skin-up whilst I was watching Trisha."

The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still
searching the rubble and have found numerous "Elizabeth duke"
sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Poundstretcher, and Argos
catalogues. However they have not managed to save any furniture from
Crazy George's as yet.

How can you help?

This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for
those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is
most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits (his & hers
preferably) white socks, Burberry caps, woolly Benny hats, and Reebok
trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain's
Micro-Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, and Iceland pizzas. Alcohol
is also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider and Stella
(wife beater).

Cash donations are also needed. 22p buys a Bic biro for signing on,
2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinner, 3.00 buys a blag CD (not an
original copy), 20 buys a fake M.O.T., (or 10 gallons of red diesel
to burn the vehicle out), and 26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who's
just back from Kavos.