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    Jokes / Fun Section

    This is a discussion on Jokes / Fun Section within the Everyday Life forums, part of the Community channel category; Another An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at ...

    1. #31
      psu300's Avatar
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      Re: Jokes / Fun Section

      Another

      An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening
      with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking
      for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock
      and brought out a 5,000 ring.
      The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
      At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought
      another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only 40,000", the jeweller said.
      The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
      The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
      The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By
      cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now
      and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring
      up Monday afternoon," he said.
      Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
      "I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"



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    3. #32
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      Re: Jokes / Fun Section

      a bloke from middlesbrough is teaching his son how to mastaurbate. the kid says "this is fun dad"
      the dad says "yes and when your 13 you can use your own nob"

    4. #33
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      Re: Jokes / Fun Section

      A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

      'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'

      He slams the door and returns to bed.

      'Who was that?' asked his wife.

      'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.

      'Did you help him?' she asks.

      'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

      'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

      The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

      He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

      'Yes,' comes back the answer.

      'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.

      'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

      'Where are you?' asks the husband.

      'I'm over here on the swing,'


    5. #34
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      Re: Jokes / Fun Section

      paddy and mick are walking home after a night out and pass the bus garage
      "lets just steal a bus" said paddy not wanting to walk and offers to keep watch
      20 minutes later he looks in to see mick
      mick says "i cant find the no7"
      "You idiot" says paddy
      "just take the no9 and walk from the roundabout"

    6. #35
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      what's the difference between theoretically and realistically?

      a son asked his dad 'what's the difference between theoretically and realistically?'

      dad says 'it's hard to explain son, go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds'

      the son asks and the mum replies 'yes'

      dad says 'ask your sister if she'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds'

      she also says 'yes'

      dad says 'now ask your older brother if he'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds'

      he replies 'yes'

      dad says 'well there you go son, theoretically we're sitting on 3 million, realistically we're living with two slags n a faggot!'


    7. #36
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      Re: Jokes / Fun Section

      Some more to help get over this terrible weather.

      How the Irish bailout actually works
      It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

      On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.


      The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

      The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

      The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

      The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub.

      The publican slips the money along to the local “Lady of services” drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

      The “Lady of services” then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

      The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.


      And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.

      Very simple but an easy way to explain it


      ---------------------------------------

      Glesga Quick Thinker


      A man walks into a big London fruit and veg shop and tries to buy half a cauliflower.
      The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers.

      The man persists and asks to see the manager.

      The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

      Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,

      'Some bamstick oot therr waants tae buy hauf a cauliflower.'

      As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
      behind him, so he added, 'An this gentleman his kindly offered tae buy
      the ither hauf.'

      The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

      Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

      'Glesga, sir,' the boy replied.

      'Well, why did you leave Glasgow ?' the manager asked.

      The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothin' but *****s and fitba players up therr.'

      'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Glasgow .'

      'Christ, ye're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play fur?'




      TomD


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    8. #37
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      Re: Jokes / Fun Section

      Paddy and Mick are talking in a pub.

      Mick says, "Do you know Christmas is on a Friday this year?"

      "Is it?" says Paddy, "Let's hope it's not on the 13th"




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